Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
