Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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