Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
