Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
