what if every blade of grass was a penis?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
