took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
