if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
