The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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