somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
