She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
