Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
