the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
