eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
