this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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