Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
