The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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