We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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