Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
