he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
