my phone needs a breathalizer
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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