I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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