if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
