But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
