Cold hands, warm shart.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
