That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
