The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
