lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
