Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
