Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
