first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
