go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
