My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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