I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is the high leading the old right now
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
