Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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