Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
