he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
