I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
