Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
