drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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