The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
