pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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