just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
