I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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