I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
where does the pee come out of this thing
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
