guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
