sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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