We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
