Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
