On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
