im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
