I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
