I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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