i already hear my dad disowning me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
