I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
